Welcome friend,
There’s been some chatter in the ether lately. Something along the lines of… Are you the hero or villain of your origin story? So in this episode I thought I’d tell you mine.
It’s filled with pop culture references, a giant of the art world (a couple actually, pun intended)— a lesser known painter, and no less than two cultural icons.
Along this journey many of you will likely be introduced to one or two people you may not have heard of before—and I present them to you, dear reader, in the order in which they showed up for me.
Most people don’t know that I started out as a singer/songwriter. I sang in the church choir as a kid and was up for the role of Annie in my parochial school.
I didn’t get, it but it was down to me and one other girl. SO many hours practicing…Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow!
I bet everyone was wishing it already was a day away.
I’d audition for school plays at all-boy schools (and get the part!) with my great big voice. They needed girls for roles like Mary in Jesus Christ Superstar. I didn’t get the lead then either, though I came close.
After being mystified by Kate Bush’s music as a teenager, in walked Sinead O’ Conner. Thunderstruck, I wrote songs and learned to play the guitar. Still have the first one I got as a gift. It’s an all white Fender acoustic.
I used to turn it over and joke that it doubled as a breakfast nook.
Frustrated but plugging away I turned on the tv one day and saw this…
In August 1990, I caught the program POV (Point Of View) on PBS, the public broadcast station I’d watch here in NYC.
That evening they aired GOLUB, a documentary about…and this is important …the existential activist painter Leon Golub.
Napalm 1, Leon Golub. One of his early works that criticized the war in Vietnam.
He and his wife Nancy Spero are today considered giants of the art world. If you’ve ever gotten off at the 66th St. stop of the 1 train here in NYC, you’ve seen Nancy’s inspired mosaics.
What he was creating… and the images of him on the floor literally scraping at the painting with a meat cleaver (!!) blew my mother-fucking mind.
Then came the reactions to the work.
Warning: There’s some disturbing images of war in this clip.
Mercenaries, Acrylic on canvas, Leon Golub. Courtesy of Getty Images
Damn. I thought. I WANNA DO THAT. But…all I could do was sing.
I wasn’t the best songwriter, but I had heart and a great big voice. Soon the idea of painting crept into my writing as I wrote a song for Leon called I Pray I Feel It Too. I recently found this old print out of it.
I was talking about the fire in the belly. However, I wasn’t convinced I should quit what I considered to be my calling.
Until…
Love & Rockets #28
As a teenager in the 80’s I used to hang out in a comic book shop in Staten Island called Jim Hanley’s Universe. There was a term for what I was at the time—a unicorn!
One of those rare girls that chose to hang out in comic book shops with nerds, geeks, artsy types, and other fringe folks. They were my chosen family.
Despite everyone having their own opinions…nearly unanimously, we all agreed one of the best was the independent comic Love & Rockets by Jaime and Gilbert Hernandez.
We all coveted back issues like found gold. While reading the one in the pic above, I saw this…
…splashed across the pages was an illustrated biography of the painter Frida Kahlo. Having never heard of her before, I was intrigued and smitten.
At the end of the bio was this blurb…
I went straight to the nearest Barnes & Noble to buy that book by Hayden Herrera and as it turned out, by the time I’d read this there was a companion book. Frida Kahlo: The Paintings was published and I bought THAT one instead…because, IMAGES! duh
This is a pic of the book I picked up that day. My sun bleached, well worn copy, dust jacket long gone. At that time there weren’t many people that knew of Frida Kahlo.
I know it sounds strange to say, but in 1991 I was introducing most of my friends to this glorious painter of such crushingly intimate work.
I can’t tell you how moved I was at the paintings within this book except to say that she made me realize I was allowed to paint what I needed to paint. From that day forward it was images that ruled in my brain. I didn’t completely give up singing but, I’ve been a painter ever since.
Her surreal works are powerful and feminine. She broke through the barrier of what was acceptable for a woman to depict in a painting.
That means that within the span of one year—I was given what I now call the one-two punch of Leon Golub and Frida Kahlo.
His gigantic masculine works juxtaposed against her small intimate paintings just did it for me. Sparked something I can only explain as other than what I’d seen around me at the time. I saw something missing and felt the need to fill that void.
So I taught myself how to paint in acrylics and did my best to exorcise my demons.
Broken and Disarmed, Acrylic on canvas, 12 x 16 in. 1996. An early self-taught acrylic painting.
This is a pic of me painting Broken and Disarmed at a friends house in Brooklyn. Finding my way through new territory.
Side note: I also worked as a stagehand at that time and the t-shirt I’m wearing in this photo was one of my favorites from work. It’s the Public Theater Shakespeare Festival t-shirt for Henry V. Written across the front of it that you cannot see here was the quote…
“Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect.”
I held on to that lesson with white knuckles at the time.
The iconic Pearl Paint art store on Canal St. NYC. Sadly, it’s no longer there.
In 1998 on my way to Pearl Paint for art supplies I decided to go off-roading and turned off Broadway at Prince St. to walk down Mercer. Broadway can be a bit…much. In that particular area it’s basically a mall without parking.
More importantly, walking along Mercer St. I came across the Ronald Feldman Gallery and got hit in the face with a poster for this…
Note: Maybe it was because of Frida, I don’t know…but even though I’d seen Leon walking around Washington Square Park with my own goddamn eyes it hadn’t occurred to me that he was alive and well and still showing work!
Go for cue: face meeting poster for show—->
!!!! Jackpot !!!!
I immediately took down the address. When I got home I wrote a letter to Leon, attached the song to it and sent it off to him c/o The Ronald Feldman Gallery.
Then I waited.
I GOT A LETTER BACK. (!!!)
From the man himself thanking me for the note and inviting me to the opening in October. Told me to introduce myself. Holy Moly.
I’m sorry to say that after many moves and various… let’s say misplacing’s of my belongings (Whole. Nother. Story.) I regret to inform you that I no longer have the actual letter or I’d drop it in right here.
*sigh*
I proceeded to make a skirt to wear to the opening after one that I’d seen at Comme Des Garcons and made my way to the gallery with a friend that night.
Time’s Up, Leon Golub 1997 Acrylic on linen, 93 1/8 x 170 3/4 x 1/8 in. Courtesy the Estate of Leon Golub
© The Nancy Spero and Leon Golub Foundation for the Arts
I couldn’t believe it. The work was SO fresh. If I’d had the money to buy one, I would’ve right then and there.
I waited in line to meet him and introduced myself. He was kind and gracious. Thanked me for my letter, said it was a lovely poem. I also met his wife Nancy Spero. It was an unforgettable evening.
Napalm Puertorriquena, Oil and gold leaf on found object.
The painting above contains a napalm wound in it in the form of fire. It’s a direct call back to Leon Golub. I was going thru a tumultuous time in my life and decided to include it.
I realized that day in 1998 that there’s no reason not to contact people that inspire you to tell them so. I’m sure they’d be honored to hear it.
Have you ever written to someone you admired? Did they write back? People of the world, tell me your stories. Clearly, I’m a sponge for inspiration.
For me, the result of that collision of Leon and Frida was formative and I’m convinced I wouldn’t be the painter I am today without them.
So there you have it. That’s my hero origin story. Part origin story, part hero’s journey, but altogether how my call to art transformed my life into something greater than its parts.
So…are you the villain or hero in your origin story?
Till next time,
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